Why it's probably OK to say "black people" on a beach

This is going to feel forehead-smackingly obvious when I say it out loud.

Don't bother trying to pretend that you don't notice race, or that race doesn't matter. Humanity comes in a dizzying array of colors, shapes, sizes, religions, sexual orientations, gender identities, and on and on. Society will never be able to ignore those differences, and you won't either. Why would you want to? They're interesting. Colorblindness, in other words, is a crock of shit. Rather, learn to really listen to anybody, and have compassion for them. Ask a sincere question or two, pay attention to what they say, have a sense of humor, and vote humanely.

I have just equipped you with the basic tool set you will need to learn to navigate New York City's hopelessly complex social fabric.

Here are my credentials. While I am a white, straight, middle class, 30 something, extremely attractive man who can't recall being discriminated against even once, I live in Astoria which is the most diverse neighborhood in the world, and I have a lot of black friends. That's usually code for, "But, I'm about to say something racist." I put it there on purpose to GET AWKWARD. I put it there because I'm thinking of a friend of mine who IS BLACK who will think IT'S HILARIOUS. You know why I know she'll think it's hilarious? Because I drink a lot of beer with her and I know a lot of things about her. She is perfectly comfortable talking about the color of her skin and how society relates to her. She is far more concerned about being bored than being offended. She has a lot of interesting things to say, and when she says them, I pay attention and learn.

Now, in some ways race is the simplest thing in the world. Empathize with each individual. Done. Next problem. Yet, in some ways race is impossibly complex. This is because history is complicated, and individuals are complicated. After a beer or two with a black dude, you may learn that a black man in a car is waaaaay more likely to get pulled over than a white dude for no good reason whatsoever, and that black dudes have been known to get pretty frustrated by people who try to deny or justify that. You may learn that Anika doesn't like when you ask her questions about race because she doesn't like YOU and she's totally BORED and ANNOYED by being called black. You may learn that Jennifer is extremely racy, racist, and fun to talk to because everything she says is wildly and delightfully inappropriate. What you will hear depends on the black person, but if you stick around you will notice trends. So if you want to master the complicated stuff and feel totally comfortable playing ball with a bunch of black guys, you just gotta wade in there and be a decent human being for a while until you get the hang of it. Ask a question or two directly about race. Black people are just people after all, and for the most part people looooove talking about themselves to somebody who is actually listening.

OK, let's dig into the grittier real life example that got me thinking about this post. I was sitting on a beach with my best Jewish friends and a few gentiles. We were next to a lot of black people. One of my buddies said "black people" loudly. A brief, awkward argument ensued. Can you say "black people" loudly on a beach?! Ah god! My buddy said, "Let's ask Dave. He has a lot of black friends." My first reaction was that the argument itself was hilarious. "I don't think it matters too much. Black people are typically pretty used to the idea that they are black." In retrospect, a more nuanced answer would have been, "My intuition is that no nearby black person cares and that it's more upsetting to you than to them, but if you really want to know you'd have to ask." Later, a black friend of mine had the answer, "I think they need more black friends. Ooo, or they should probably sleep with a black person." I wish she had been on the beach to say this because it would have cracked me up.

Look, most of us are downright decent human beings who just want a friend or two to like us for who we are. What I am is a good listener who comes with freckles and hates being bored. I live in New York City and I love a lot of Jews and blacks who love me back.

Edit

A friend had this to say, which I really liked:

I think in the end, it's okay to say "black people" if you really do see them as people.  I don't think this is often the case, which is probably why things get awkward when people are labeled that way.