Dumb Questions

There is absolutely such a thing as a dumb question. I want to smack lecturers who spout nonsense about there not being any dumb questions because they probably only encourage more dumb questions. Some day when I'm in charge, I'm going to call out the dumb questions and compliment the good ones.

Here are the categories of dumb questions as determined by me, most important first. Most bad questions fall into multiple categories.

1. Questions with the objective of pointing out how smart you are.
   Q: As I'm a Ph.D. in marketing, I was wondering how this applied to synthesizing global model market regressions.
   A: This is a real reverse psychology kind of moment, because now I think you're a pompous idiot.
   
2. Questions that aren't questions.
   Q: This applies to local model market progressions.
   A: Thanks for not asking a question.
   
3. Questions that ramble on.
   Q: I sat here thinking to myself, "Myself," I thought to myself, "How do you suppose this topic deals with some similar other topic?" Because, you see, other topics in the blah blah blah...
   A: Hey! Who paid you to give this lecture?
   
4. Boring questions.
   Q: Could you could repeat that middle, boring part of your lecture?
   A: No.
   

Good questions are

1. Short.
2. Interesting.

So what do you do when you find yourself in an audience asking stupid questions? I have several strategies, none of which work. Also, all of them are a bad idea unless you, like me, have the need-attention gene, and don't really mind being controversial. And by controversial, I mean refreshing to people who hate dumb questions, and and asshole to everyone else.

1. Call out the questioner. Around minute two of a question say, "Hey, let Ms. Whatever teach the lecture."
   
2. Plead with the lecturer. "Do you suppose we could move on?" or "Could we do one question and answer period at the end of the lecture?"
3. Talk with the questioner after. This really never works.
   
4. Ask good questions. Actually, this is probably the only one that does any good. It's not because it encourages the people to ask better questions, rather, it just makes less time for dumb questions. It's really hard to come up with good questions though, so good luck there.